2.3 KiB
Mother Fucking Wordpress Theme
Post:
You see this? It works. Light, fast, easy to see and read. This uses all you needed to learn from a motherfucking website AND some of the styling ideas from a better motherfucking website.
It's Lightweight
You think because you are writing this shit in WordPress you have an excuse for a 5 meg javascript download? CSS files that are longer than the Magna Carter? Fuck that.
How many webfonts is that free theme you found loading every time someone visits your site? What the fuck are they even for? Not your health, that is for sure. Here, use this reference on the font stacks available to you.
Oh, but I won't get the perfect font I want... your mom didn't get what she wanted either, and yet, here you are.
It's Clean
That sidebar advertisement area that I am blocking with PiHole is about as useful as a guestbook. I didn't come here to find out what fucking new diet supplement might improve my performance. I came here to read your fucking posts. Is more of your site side-bars, clickbait ads and autoplay videos? Then why the fuck are you writing anything at all? Is that 0.0000023¢ per click worth me never coming back?
It's Readable
To quote a genius: If your text hits the side of the browser, fuck off forever. You ever see a book like that? Yes? What a shitty book.
We don't do that shit in print. We don't do that shit on the web.
It's Responsive
Look at this shit on your 8K monitor, then pull it up on your phone. Works.
It's Got a Motherfucking menu
You see that? Seven (or so) extra CSS calls, and boom. Menu at the top you can format via WordPress. Even with dropdowns. Fast and organized.
Motherfucking Dark Mode
It's going to take longer to brag about adding dark mode with three lines than it was to add dark mode.
This is Satire
Just like the site that inspired this, and the other site that styled this.
But like all good satire, there are things to learn.
Don't believe shit you read on the internet -- Abe Lincoln.
Comments
You think we'd forget these? Na, you can be interactive and still have a light weight site.